“Where’s my jetpack?| *

Where is it? When I was younger, that was what we were all going to have. 

Or a flying car.

Or a robot that would do the housework and be amusingly servile. Robots were going to free us so that we could pursue our life goals while a metallic underclass carried the thankless toil out.

Did any of that happen? Nope, why? Well, there are many complicated reasons for that, but the main one is a media that over hyped them as they made good segments in otherwise bad news. 

They never came as close to reality as we were led to believe.

What are you wittering about, you old fool Trev? Is it time to get the nurse for you?

Any of this ringing any bells yet? What about autonomous or self driving cars? There has been a lot about this in the media, and not much actual progress. I know that I am probably provoking the nest of Musk fan boys, but when I witness cars driving safely autonomously and on the road, I will genuinely be surprised. 

A real road, not a closed track. Surrounded by other drivers, humans and nature.

There are lots of problems that need to be addressed and discussed openly about our self driving future. Moral decisions that, as a human, you make all the time without really thinking about:

For example, if a dog runs out in front of your car, do you brake harshly to avoid hitting it?

Do you? Excellent, the dog is startled but perfectly safe. Well done y… Oh wait a moment.

What about the coach full of excited children behind you that has now lost control trying to avoid hitting your suddenly halting car? They all scream as the coach teeters on one side of its wheels before rolling over into a field.

It’s good that the dog is safe though, right?

Bloody hell Trev, this Substack post took a serious and dark turn. 

Yes, it did, but as a driver these are things that you potentially may have to deal with at some point. 

Driving is a responsibilty that we often forget the severity of.

Will a Tesla self driving car be designed to think like an over stimulated billionaire on ketamine? Will it protect its customers (and shareholders) at all costs? In which case the dog is in big trouble, and so are the children in the coach. 

As an experienced driver, you make decisions all the time, sometimes incorrectly, about what you see happening around you. 

You make the decision to tailgate that slow car in the outside lane, (It is not called the fast lane, it is the outside lane or outside overtaking lane. I will die on this hill but in the correct lane.) you decide to speed, you decide to drink and drive, you decide to park badly outside your children’s school so that the darling little cherubs don’t have to walk too far to the gate.

They are the wrong decisions, but people make them. 

Will an autonomous car do these things? Probably not, as it will be coded and designed to co-operate with other vehicles. This will be especially true when other vehicles around it are still being controlled by fallible human beings.  

Your shiny new autonomous car is negotiating a multi-storey car park and some idiot comes around the corner in a shed on wheels. They see your vehicle and realise that if they push in front of you, then your car will have to stop. Handy way to rob people as well isn’t it?

Imagine the fuss if an autonomous car knocked a child down because they had crossed the road dangerously. The press would have an absolute field day. 

Hang on though, did the child not cross the road safely? Will the car drive straight on if it blindly follows its code? The child should not be there, legally the child has made a mistake, so the child will have to deal with it. This will keep lawyers and internet commentators busy for the rest of time. Is that the future you want?

Now I am obviously picking out extreme things for the sake of discussion, but nothing I have described here is unlikely.

Frightening thought.

Are different manufacturers going to design their code to suit the owners of their vehicles? 

Will Audi just delete the section of the program that deals with being too close to the vehicle in front.

How about Renault? Will all of their cars be programmed to live in the middle lane?

Nissan Qashqais will have to weave slightly between lanes to keep following drivers guessing on where they are actually going to go.

It will take some extra work to make cars park illegally and as close to your destination as possible too. People are not going to like having to walk further to the shop from where they have abandoned the 4×4 WankMaster Turbo Bastard. (TM)

Who is responsible for these risks, owners? The manufacturer? Insurance companies? I think we can all work that out, can’t we? 

What about when the cars get a virus… etc etc.

Now you see why these self driving cars sound tantalisingly close in pithy brief articles or press releases, but in the cold dark world we live in? Not that close at all.

You should hope that they are not that close to you, as potentially some angry incel psychopath might have programmed their decisions. 

If there is to be a future for these vehicles there needs to be worldwide co-operation on agreeing standards that should be followed. I don’t know about you, but I do not see that happening any time soon.

*A picture of the Ultimate game Jet Pac and all in 16k, this text file in my word processor was 29K. With no pictures.