Given that it seems the way into politics is to promise to do stuff that the public want, but then not actually doing it, if Chunky Mango decided to put it’s digital hat into the ring what should we promise?

Here are a few of our first spitballing ideas, feel free to add your own. We will do whatever it takes, apart from actually doing the things that we promise. We cannot have a political system doing what it promises, where would that end? Anarchy.*

When Chunky Mango becomes a political party we will have a common sense manifesto;

First, all women’s clothes will have pockets by law. Not pretend ones, actual useable ones.

Any politician proved to be lying must be gunged on live TV. No exceptions.

Banning International Talk Like a Pirate day, unless you are willing to go the whole hog and get rickets and scurvy like a proper method actor.

Only vote in MP’s who like big butts, as it is well-known people who like them cannot lie.

People who loiter around the sides of a zebra crossing, but then don’t cross to have their ears flicked. Equally, anyone who crosses the road near a crossing and holds up traffic to be lightly sandpapered.

Unsolicited dick pics to be automatically redirected to the sender’s entire address book.

Stop Breakfast news from saying ‘Good Morning’ and then spending three hours proving why it isn’t.

*No, hang on that is actually democracy isn’t it?