A lot of sayings, maxim or proverbs are problematic, mostly due to the time that they came from, where things that may have been acceptable then are quite rightly no longer okay.

Many more can be problematic in their meaning. For example:

‪“A problem shared, is a problem halved.”‬

‪Bit selfish isn’t it? It may be halved it for the first person, but the second person now has a 100% problem increase based on previous estimates.‬ That’s a skewed narrative, isn’t it? “Literally, well I feel better, thanks!” 

Are we not going to investigate the long term effects that this problem is now going to have on the second person in this situation? Presumably, they are a sentient being with their own life and burdened with their own problems, then this selfish shitweasel effectively says “Hey you know what would make me feel better? Forcing you to listen to my problems.”

It’s not alone, here is another example:

“A fool and his money are soon parted.”

Is this not the basis for capitalism? Surely this saying is borderline communism? Have the Americans been made aware?

“A horse, a horse, my kingdom for a horse.”

Unless you are the CEO of the plant that makes Findus Lasagna this one makes no sense now.

“A man after my own heart.” 

This implies the existence of a person who goes around tearing out mens innards is a good thing. It probably isn’t. Is it meant to be a motivational quote for serial killers? That’s a niche right there.”

“Blow your own trumpet.”

Well if coronavirus has taught us anything you shouldn’t go around blowing each other’s trumpets. Or trombones, just avoid trombones completely. They store information about your playing style and sell it to the Russians.*

“Cat got your tongue?”

This is meant to mean that someone is being, perhaps uncharacteristically, quiet. If a cat had got your tongue you would definitely not be quiet, have you never accidentally (or deliberately, I won’t judge) bitten your tongue? It hurts a great deal and you almost certainly made a lot of noise. Cat’s teeth are sharper than ours. Oh and their breath stinks. It does, they lick their bums. I will take no further discussion on this matter.

“Make a clean breast of it.”

This seems oddly specific, let’s just leave that there. Why was that one breast so dirty, hmm? I will add “Beat around the bush” in here as well. If you have to beat around it, you are doing it wrong and could probably with doing some research. There are many things on the internet to assist you here.

“A load of codswallop.”

Who goes around give dry slaps to fish? That makes no sense at all, and I am pretty sure that is no way to catch anything apart from odd looks and perhaps a custodial sentence.

So I think that it is time for some new sayings, feel free to add your own in the comments.

I am going for the following ones:

“Never click on a link in an email from someone you do not know.”

“Take That and pay your taxes.”

 “All work and no play makes Jack come over all peculiar.”

“Behind every great man, there is a great woman planning her exit strategy.”

“Never trust an estate agent, a solicitor or a politician.”

*This might not be true, but it sounds like something that your paranoid friend would share on Facebook.