A guest blog post by Fanny Malinkus, a private landlord who has worked hard all of her life at owning property, that she inherited, and making it work for her financially.

This month our infrequent contributor looks into things to do in, or around London this October.

As the country is well into going sober for October, (Like, who is really doing that this year? I have knocked back twice as much artisanal gin than this time last year.) I thought that it was a good idea for me to share some exciting things that are still happening this month.

Things to do in London:

Art.

It’s been a lean time for art fans over the last few months, but it is time that was over. Unless you are in the North obviously, where you have to stay in, but that’s your fault as you are unclean.

And as if anyone in the North really knows anything about art. Imagine!

Anyway, for us culture vultures in the capital there is finally a new gallery opening up. HOORAY I SAY! It has been delayed for a few months, for that thing, you know that virus that must not be named, but now it throws open it’s doors and it has totally been worth the wait!

I assume it has, I haven’t been. I won’t be going to see any paintings until they have been wiped down with a Waitrose anti-bac wipe at the very least. Who knows where the last person viewing it had been breathing. Hmm? Think on that.

If you are willing to risk getting COVID 19 and possibly worse from an uncleansed work of art then the Gallery is called the Artesian Well, which is a clever play on something or other, and it’s first exhibition is a collection of some of the surreal maths by the Belgian artist Vengl Funfbenger. All of it is apparently transcribed onto primary school graph paper by unpaid interns.

How very rustic!

Music & Theatre

It’s time to socially distantly boogie your pants off, but remember to keep your masks on! How about going to a small theatre in North London and seeing an immersive presentation of the start of Sonic the Hedgehog 2? All of the characters are played by ethically sourced performers, and none of them are foreign or anything like that. Not that I have anything against foreigners or anything. Most of my staff are from Europe, oh yes.

I mean mainly because they will work for less money, but I am an inclusive employer.

The music from, arguably, one of the Sonic series of games is played by a lute quartet, except for Chemical Plant Zone which has been reinterpreted as a Cyber punk classic.

If that is not your 16 bit cup of tea, why not try a one man performance of Blankety Blank? This is a moving piece where you get to see the interplay and conflict between the guests and the presenter of one of the early 80’s most important game shows. Steven Guildsworth, the performer has also written and directed this piece and has performed it at venues all across Europe. Which received baffled praise, as no one there had ever heard of the programme. This apparently added to it’s mystique.

Get down there, but don’t get closer than the bendy microphone to the performer. Covid, you remember?

WASH YOUR HANDS.

CONCERTS.

Musical performance has also been thin on the ground these last few months, but that is changing with the start of a run of digital presentations in venues like the Dog and Fruit, Garfield’s Dog Yard and of course, Three Randy Blind Mice. When it says digital presentation, what it means is that you watch it on a big screen in a small dark room. This means that the performers are safe at all times. You? Not so much, but why shouldn’t you suffer for their art?

Finally there are a few more galleries reopening. The most exciting for me is at The Hackneyed and Boring, in Hackney. ‘The Inherently Incorrectly Named Summer Exhibition’ is a celebration of massive oil based smearings on different cloths, including underwear, bedsheets and perhaps most excitingly a few stuffed household pets.

It is meant to represent the struggle of humanity against the tyranny of big business. There is no tyranny in smaller businesses though, sorry I got distracted there, I was illicitly using the webcam on the laptop that I have given to my PA to see that she is wasting time drinking tea on my pay cheque!

Lastly there is an open air arts exhibition on the streets of Soho this month. It is one of those art installations where you are not quite sure if it is art, or just oddly painted street furniture. Rest assured that it is all worth a great deal of money to someone, presumably, so that reinforces it’s intrinsic artistic value.

If you want to go further afield, away from the capital, I am assured that you still can.