This was originally posted on my old blog on September 18th, 2013.

I have been getting calls on my mobile on and off for the last couple of years. I have had this number for over 3 years, now either someone had it before me, or the debt collection company have their facts wrong. (I know, shocking concept that isn’t it?)

So after many confusing conversations, and approximately a year where I heard nothing it started again. I have heard the phrase “We will take your number off our database” from this Empingham company so many times I thought that I should write to them. So I did, and you can see it below in full. (Apart from my number and the name of the man that they are looking for. I am not a complete idiot.)

“I am going to be as polite as I can, but we have been here before, haven’t we? My mobile number is ***** ****** and you keep ringing me. Repeatedly. I have had this number for over 3 years now and your records are clearly incorrect and I am definitely not Patrick L******* or whoever it was you seem to think I am.

I rang and sorted this in May of last year, I remember this as I was on holiday on Cornwall at the time and I was sick of your company calling me. (I had rung before.)

This seemed to fix it, until recently when it seems that you have come to miss me, and our regular conversations. Where seemingly you mistake me for someone else and I confirm I am not that person. The next day we start it all over again. My pithy and witty remarks to your answer machine clearly have you smitten. I am afraid that this is a love that cannot be, however, as I am betrothed to another and this could never work anyway. Seeing as I am a human being and you are a debt collection conglomerate. We are poles apart.

I have found your attentions confusing, intriguing and even frustrating at times, but that hasn’t stopped you has it?

Only now, you are going to have to be brave and move on. Take a deep breath, I know that you can do it, I believe in you. Then, and only then can you move on to harassing someone else about some debt or other. Deep breath now, you can do it!

To put this bluntly, please remove my number from your database as soon as possible, I am definitely not the person that you are looking for and I owe no one money.

I will not send you any paperwork to prove who I say I am, or anything else, just stop it it is not really fun anymore. It is about as much fun as being forced to watch ITV’s Saturday evening schedule.

Serious bit:

Keep doing this, and I will have to take this further. It is getting very frustrating now, and I fully intend to stop this harassment one way or another.

I hope you find the man that you are looking for, and when you do may it all have been worth it for you. Move on and look to the future.

Thank you,

Trevor Ship.

P.S Stop it now, it is getting silly.

PPS Always read the small print.

PPPS There is no small print here, but thanks for taking me at my word.